Craigslist Ad Haikus

Editors Preface:  We here at the Sports Skollars are a sophisticated and classy bunch.  That’s why when I came up with the idea of using mock craigslist ad’s to post links to the interesting stories you may have missed, I was worried the article would come off as cheap and sketchy (b/c we all know that’s what craigslist is).  The solution for classing up craigslist???  Haikus . . . book it.

For Sale: College Athlete $150,000 OBO

Posted by Cam Newton

I cheated and stole

But I kick ass at football

“second chance”?!? for sale

Male seeking Female: Looking for Hot Team Assistant

Posted by Brett Favre

Too old for football

Here to meet hot assistants

Will send dick pictures

Editors Note:  I was a bit disappointed with Mr. Favre for his lack of originality.  This just seems all too familiar to these prior ads:

Male seeking female:  Looking for girlfriend

Posted by Greg Oden

Look to old for sports

Here to spear hot white bitches

Will send dick pictures

OR

For Hire:  White House Intern

Posted by Bill Clinton

Tired of politics

Here to meet chunky interns

Will send dick pictures

OR THE TIMELESS CLASSIC

Female Seeking Male

Posted by: Serena Williams

Tennis is easy

I could play with the big boys

Will send dick pictures

For Hire:  Coaching Position Wanted

Posted by Dan Hawkins and Tim Brewster

Developed young men

Great winter class attendance

Not into bowl games

For Sale:  SF Giants 2011 Season Tickets

Posted by SF Giants

Smart phones and riots

Big time Timmy Jim “f*** yeah”

Only in San Fran

Hiring:  Dallas Cowboys Head Coach

Posted by Jerry Jones

America’s team

This recession sucks balls

Seeking a bailout

Hiring/For Hire:  Caterer/Football Team

Posted by Randy Moss

“What the fuck is this!”

“Wouldn’t feed this to my dog”

Need new caterer (Preferably, one that comes with a football team)

For Hire:  Former football Coach

Brad Childress

I may not win games

But I love food caterers

Soon to be this guy

Feedback(?): What should I do?

Posted by Lebron James

So what should I do?

Ask rhetorical questions?

Be a smug asshole? (editors note: the answer to question two is yes . . . you can figure out the answer to question three from there)

Apology (maybe?)

Posted by Bruce Pearl

I didn’t do it.

Oh, you found out already?

I’m really sorry!

For Sale:  Tony Dungy’s Smug Morality

Posted By: NBC

You’re a bad person

Tony Dungy knows better

Annoying as shit (editors note:  For examples see here or here)

For Sale: Football Games at Wrigley Field

Posted by: The BigTen (11, 12, π, ∞ . . . )

Mediocre teams!!!

Epically bad sight lines!!!

Half court football games!!!

For Hire: Any job that requires training and preparation.

Posted by Brett Favre

Beg me to start work

But know I don’t train for shit

Be shocked when I fail

( . . . oh and will send dick pictures)